-YOU’VE CLEARLY GOT AN EATING DISORDER-

This is some funny shit here. So I was home for the holidays right. And at my house in Lewisville my dad always keeps a hella stock of bottled water on hand, so I drink like two bottles at a time all day and night long. You know, being that I’m an ex-athlete...I like to drink the water in mass-consumption. That’s just what I do.

So get this. I was sitting at the dinner table playing poker with a bunch of friends, and just as I go to take a huge gulp of water my best friend Heather says something hilarious. Needless to say, I laughed, and had water coming out of my ears, nose and mouth. It was quite a spectacle. But out of know where, before I knew it...my mom (who weighs a skinny 106 lbs) started bitching me out. “Alisha you need to chill out on the water! You are drinking too much too fast, and it just made you throw up. Do you have an eating disorder? You know people who have eating disorders drink water like you do, and then they throw up.”

Holy shit I thought to myself. Me and my healthy 140 pound body were dumbfounded. I didn’t know how to respond to that. I just raised my Dasani in the air, wiped the spewed water from my chin, and threw back some more of that high-quality H2O. Cheers to you mom. You lunatic.

Now this is the killer though...

While I was being cussed out in the kitchen for drinking too much water...My dad was in the game room getting wasted on his 11th shot of whiskey. And at the same time, my cousin was smoking a blunt and gambling all of the money in his wallet on a single game of pool.

But clearly...my water addiction was the biggest problem we had in the Sare household this holiday season.

Happy Holidays.
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This is Heather and I. She's the funny one who made me laugh with the water in my mouth.